Wax On

Summer is approaching. I'm in a new city with new crazy friends, one of whom thought that getting waxed for the first time would be a blast before bikini season. While I can grumble all day about paying for pain, I'm always up for a new experience. 

We went to a rather popular little spa, where all the assistants spoke English. I have to say that was a plus, as my vagina vocabulary in Chinese is still nonexistent (don't worry, I'm putting flashcards aside for that particular language lesson). 

To be perfectly frank, I was terrified. Stripping hair off your body just never struck me as a good time. However, the plush pillows were a nice touch. It's hard to fear for your vagina's life when plush is involved.

While the experience overall was satisfactory (chocolate wax, seriously cool) and I only yelped once or twice, the handy dandy spa's vagina drawings to help you choose your "look" were, shall we say, hard to interpret.

"Please choose which one you would like." The assistant hands my friend and I a chart.

"Wait- is that broccoli?"

"It's supposed to be hair. Look, there's less broccoli on the xx option, and none on the triple x off option."

"Oh. Wait. I have broccoli on my vagina?? So what's the heart? Ooh..oh, I get it. Center view. I thought we were looking from the top."

"Yeah, heart's the middle, broccoli's all around.""

"I feel like teletubbies hang out here, in my broccoli-covered, heart-shaped vagina... I like the broccoli. xx it is."

As I said, overall satisfactory experience. They even gave us cups of tea after all was said and done. However, my vagina is not made of broccoli or hearts, or even unicorns and rainbows when the broccoli is all gone. It's still a vagina, and it's mine till death do us part. While I appreciate the posh experience and pampering my lady self, the clever ad pictured above still is a far cry from encouraging independent, vagina loving women. The ad reads, you are lagging a few billion years behind in evolution because your bikini line isn't perfect. I'd prefer a realistic, colorful, Andy Warhol lineup of hairy to non-hairy vaginas with a caption along the lines of:

Shave, or don't shave. 

Wax, or don't wax. 

Do whatever the frick you want. And do it for yourself.